?What are some of the ways in which you show kids that dad and mom need time alone, without feeling guilty about any of it??
A journalist, writing an article on having time alone and couple time if you have kids, asked me this question.
Parents will feel guilty only once they believe that they are doing something wrong by spending time alone and couple time without their children.
That is a false belief.
The simple truth is that children grow up far healthier emotionally when their parents are happy and fulfilled, even though it means that their parents spend less time with them. When parents understand that they are being good parents by talking loving care of themselves and their relationship, their children will understand this.
One way of helping children understand this is to introduce the idea of ?time alone? very early in a kid?s life. By the time a child is three, he or she can easily understand the idea of time alone. If, every time you spend time alone together with your child, you say, ?That is our time alone,? your child will begin to understand the concept. When you have time and energy to yourself, you can say, ?This is my time alone with myself.? When you spend time with your partner, you can say, ?This is Mom and Dad?s time alone together.? Parents can tell their children, the moment they are with the capacity of understanding the words, ?We need time alone with you, with one another, and with ourselves. All of us need to respect this about one another.?
Our three children fully understood the concept of ?time alone? because we spent time alone with each them. They found understand and respect at a very young age the need for time alone.
If you put yourself aside and don?t spending some time with yourself and with your lover, you are giving your children unhealthy role modeling. You’re teaching them that others are always in charge of meeting their needs. You’re teaching them to feel eligible for your time and attention rather than helping them figure out how to respect others? time. You’re teaching them that it is okay to demand that others put themselves aside for them, which might create narcissistic behavior.
Healthy parenting means finding a balance between being with your children, being together with your partner, and being with yourself. For your children to grow up taking responsibility for their own needs and feelings, they have to see you taking responsibility to your requirements and feelings. Constantly sacrificing Your reputation24 for the children will not role model personal responsibility.
Children have to experience you as well as your spouse enjoying your time with one another, as well as with yourselves. They need to see you pursuing your projects, hobbies, creativity and passions so as to understand that they also need to find their passions. If you are always there to meet your children?s needs, how can they discover who they’re and what brings them joy? Always being there to meet your kids?s needs for entertainment creates a dependency on others rather than finding these resources within themselves.
Many people grow up not knowing how to be alone with themselves. Since they were either always before a TV or being entertained by their parents, they never discovered how exactly to ?play by themselves.?
Of course it is very important to have plenty of time alone with your children. But it is equally important to have enough time alone with your spouse and with yourself. When you understand this, you will stop feeling guilty about taking your time and effort alone. When you no more feel guilty, your kids will learn to stop guilting you and respect your preferences.